The Touro Communication Club Notes - #105 – February 10, 2010 Tourocommunicationclub.blogspot.com

Five Communication Quotes of the Week

He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.
Chinese Proverb

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
Albert Einstein, Theoretical physicist

The essential question is not, "How busy are you?" but "What are you busy at?”Are you doing what fulfills you?"
Oprah Winfrey, American talk show host and entrepreneur

It is far wiser to ask for a question than an answer. When you think you have all the answers, it simply means you have run out of questions.
Leonard Jacobson, Australian born lawyer turned spiritual healer

The art and science of asking questions is the source of all knowledge. ~
Thomas Berger, American author,

Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?
George Bush, 43rd President of the U.S.


The Touro Communication Club
2 pm - Wednesday, February10, 2010– Room 223
“Asking Questions in Class”-
I have noticed in my classes that most students don’t ask a lot of questions, other than “When is class over?” I don’t know why. I must be a boring teacher. Maybe the students have been things to do with their minds. For me, questioning is the best avenue of learning anything. When you ask questions, your mind is engaged with the material. When you ask questions on a date, your mind is engaged in the relationship. You know the old adage, “The only dumb question is the one that isn’t asked.” Let’s see what happens.

A Note to Communicators:

Questions and Questioning

In this age of an ever increasing speed and exploding media, we are inundated by some two billion stimuli each day. No matter what we do we cannot screen out all of these blips on our mental, emotional and physical radar. We are constantly in a heavy downpour and our raincoat leaks.

We have several choices. We can try to ignore the stimuli entirely. We can try to let in only those stimuli that we want. We can open our beings to constantly wash over by the stimuli, tossed about like a dingy in a perfect storm.

My strategy is to try to stay in the rain and observe what is happening and watch me getting wet. I watch. I listen. I feel. I try to experience the stimuli without being overwhelmed by it.

I try to use the actor’s technique of being inside and outside the experience simultaneously. I try to become aware.

With conscious practice, you may become aware. Very hard work and something you cannot do a couple of times a week.

Awareness becomes the mindfulness of the Buddhist. That mindfulness creates a presence. You are conscious of much that is happening as it is happening .without being overwhelmed.

That awareness leads to looking for patterns. What is the same? What is different? What repeats? What’s positive? negative?

Then our collected information in an environment of awareness is ready for questions and questioning. These tools clarify undifferentiated experience. These tools sharpen the experience. They put the movie into focus. The ambient white noise vanishes.

Questioning becomes an attitude toward life. Nothing is above questioning. Everything is open to be challenged.

CAVEAT (Warning) Mind you, some people don’t like to be questioned or challenged. Dictators and people who say, “My way or the highway” don’t like questions. But that is another story, the story of politics.)

Questions capture the essence of a mind which notices that many things are not as they are presented to us. Public speakers often use quotations that include questions.

During his 1968 campaign for president, Robert F. Kennedy’s captured the core of a questioning mind with this gem, originally from G. B. Shaw’s Back to Methuselah

“Some men see things as they are and say, 'Why'? I dream of things that never were and say, 'Why not'?"

RFK took another quote from Rabbi Hillel, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now -- when?"

Both quotations use question “stems’ to create rhetorical impact. “Why,” “Who,” “What” and “When” are four of Rudyard Kipling’s “Six Helping Hands.”

The “Kipling Method” (5W1H) comes from his piece of doggerel,

I have six honest serving men
They taught me all I knew
I call them What and Where and When
And How and Why and Who. (cf., changingminds.org)

I would add a 7th helping hand, “Which,” to complete the list of question “stems.” With each of these question stems, you can get at a number of issues behind the surface.

Why should we be interested in questions? Asking questions is a fundamental part of finding information and for subtle (and otherwise) persuasion.

Questions are tools and, like all tools, they can become weapons. In the hands of someone whose power is threatened, they can intimidate, embarrass, or stonewall. Lawyers hone their questioning skills to destroy a witness. Two-year-olds and teenagers use questions to stonewall a decision made by their parents. A political demagogue will use questions to hammer away at an opponent.

We’ll explore questioning strategies at a later time. In the meantime, in class, listen to your professors and ask questions. As the club blurb says above, “The only dumb question is the one that isn’t asked.”

UPCOMING CONVERSATIONS:

February 17, 2010 –“How Do You Fire Someone?” In our work or love life, we may have been fired or told to get lost. Why does this happen? Can you tell if you are going to be fired? What do you say to someone who you want to get rid of? Lots of emotion surrounds these situations. We’ll talk about some ways to prepare to fire someone as well as your options if you suddenly learn you’ve been fired.

February 24, 2010 – “The Power of No” The word “No” is a powerful word. Negatives always are. “No” is the favorite word of a two-year-old child. “No” blocks forward movement. “No” stops the thinking of some people. “No” provokes negative emotions. “No” can be a powerful position. What do you feel when you say “No”? What do you do? Swear at the person who says “No.” We have lots to talk about. And then there’s passive resistance…..

March 3, 2010 -“Cold Calling in Sales” We are approached by salespeople all the time, even on the phone. “Hi, how are you? I have this great offer…” The sales process runs the gamut from slowly developed persuasion using a variety of tactics to the cold call – the abrupt asking for the prospective customer to buy a product or a service. We’ll take a microscope to this sales technique and do some role plays.

What about one of these topics?
“Rodney King: ‘Why Can’t We Get Along?”
“Repetition”
“Meaning”
“The Seven Heavenly Virtues”
“Why Does History Repeat Itself?”
“Heroism”
“Concentration”
“Coping with Adversity”
“Distraction”
Dean Donne Kampel on “Women & Leadership”
James Baldwin Dialogue featuring two Touro faculty members,
Student Poetry showcase
“Empathy”
“Connecting the Dots”
Role play of cynical people
And dozens of others!

What happened on Wednesday,
February 3, 2010?
Compare the notice of the session with what really happened!
“Student Needs”
On this first week of class, it is appropriate that we focus on what students need. This topic came up during one of the Club discussions. It was unclear which direction it could go – personal needs, school needs, needs for the past, present or future. We’ll start with a “tabula rasa” (a blank slate) and see where we go.

Amar Gabriel joined the group for part of the time but the discussion was dominated by some of the regulars including Richard Green, Jean Missial, Pamela Sheppard, James Millner, Carlisle Yearwood, Drani Gabu, Ronald Johnson and Hal Wicke.

Each student described a situation where they found themselves frustrated at both the process and the outcome. Usually the frustration comes with unarticulated expectations.

Everyone described their own situation and there frustrations. There seemed to be a pattern. Preconceived expectations about how things should work. Among the expectations, students want
Everything should be explained to them in advance.
Everything about the college process to be clear.
Everyone should be knowledgeable about what they do.
Everyone should be a provider of solutions to their problems.
Everyone cater to their needs.

Often they find that information given them is confusing and conflicting.

There is a strong unspoken expectation that since students are the “customers,” they should be given 5-star service, like the Ritz-Carlton hotels.

What they find too often is;
· Many people are not helpful.
· People who give them bad or wrong information which delays completion of registration or graduation.
· There is “no hand-holding” by Touro. With exceptions, everyone is on their own.
· The orientation is not helpful and too short. (Drani compared his experience at Columbia with its day-long orientation.)
· There is no support group for students to turn to.
· Advisement often gives bad information or makes wrong assignments.
· Bad attitudes
· Obstacles of all sorts
· Misconceptions by everyone

The lessons of the discussion include:
· You are responsible for yourself.
· You must become proactive. “You must be the hunter.”

What kinds of strategies should the student employ?
· Notice where the problems are
· Bring them to the attention of the people in charge – be proactive.
· Trust, but verify (Ronald Reagan)
· Observe the many different cultures at Touro.
· Learn to take care of yourself.
· Pace yourself.
· Prioritize.
· Learn to juggle many things simultaneously.
· Learn to translate from jargon to language you understand – perhaps English?

The toughest lesson in these kinds of circumstances is to remain objective and not overcome with your emotions. Dealing with frustration and anger is something we all have to learn.

There are so many Communication issues in this discussion that perhaps we can examine our Communication skills to develop strategies to understand better factors such as:
· Emotions (frustration, anger)
· Taming your tongue (your verbal and non-verbal responses)
· Language (productive language vs. profanity)
· Perception (You say it’s terrible, I say it’s wonderful.)
· Power (the student is a victim, the teacher is all powerful)
· Expectations (My way is the only way.)
· Patience
· Response to mistakes
· Giving and taking criticism
· Being cynical about the situation

Several in the group wanted to do something about these issues and there was some talk about forming a “focus group” to develop a more concrete list of concerns. But the group broke up without anything definite decided on.

It becomes clear that the Touro Communication Club is a group that is interested in “talking.” Action is the province of someone else.

But who?

We should call ourselves the “Touro Chowder and Marching Society.” The only thing that is missing is the beer.
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We always have a great time exploring these issues. So often our daily life never focuses on these Communication issues. If you have something you want us to discuss please let us know and we’ll add it to the list.

Next time bring a friend. The Communication Club is always an open discussion, limited only by time. Everyone gets a chance to speak. All opinions are welcome. Here is an opportunity for students to challenge professors’ views outside the class without any homework or assignments. You just have to show up and listen and talk if you want.

Hal Wicke