The Touro Communication Club Notes - #106 – February 24, 2010 Tourocommunicationclub.blogspot.com

Three Communication Quotes of the Week
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit.
George Carlin, the late American comedian

If you are not fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.
Vince Lombardi, legendary Green Bay Packers coach

Every time I walk down the street, people are screaming, “You’re fired!”
Donald Trump, NYC real estate mogul and television personality

The Touro Communication Club
2 pm - Wednesday, February 24, 2010– Room 223
“How Do You Fire Someone?”
In our work or love life, we may have been fired or told to get lost. Why does this happen? Can you tell if you are going to be fired? What do you say to someone who you want to get rid of? Lots of emotion surrounds these situations. We’ll talk about some ways to prepare to fire someone as well as your options if you suddenly learn you’ve been fired.


A Note to Communicators:
How Do You Fire Someone?

“You’re fired!” was made famous by Donald Trump, one of America’s outstanding self-promoters as well as real estate mogul, on his narcissistic television reality show, “The Apprentice.”

In order for one candidate to become Trump’s “apprentice” for a year had to survive twelve weeks of elimination projects. For those who didn’t make it, Trump imperiously pronounced his infamous sentence,” You’re fired!” Meekly, the ostracized aspiring job applicant trundled off in a cab, muttering how poorly Trump had treated him.

Although to “fire someone” is usually associated with business practices, I am interested in the phenomenon of an abrupt end to any relationship. Certainly a job dismissal comes to mind often. But what about a rupture in a relationship when a bond has been created?

On both sides, the person who does the “firing” and the person being “fired” have issues which usually involve some level of miscommunication. Each party presumes that he/she is functioning successfully until signals appear that the relationship is not operating successfully.

What are some of those signals? Some small signals might be a word is misspoken or a promise is broken or an appointment is missed. More obvious signals include profanity, hitting or denial of promotion.

In any relationship, once there is a bond created – emotional or legal or business – there is a level of trust that is established between two parties. Each expects the other to operate honestly and candidly.

However, often both parties attach different meanings to the relationship, even a formal one like a marriage (Tiger Woods and a slew of politicians come to mind. The informal or formal contract is violated when “the party of the first part” does not live up to the definition of “the partyof the second part.” When the level of misunderstanding grows to the point of unbearable emotional tension, a rupture of some kind will occur.

This phenomenon happens frequently in daily human politics, but the possibility of a rupture is ever present in international politics. Two examples come to mind:

· In September, 1938, with the alarming rise of Nazi Germany, English Prime Minister, Neville Chamberlain, along with other European leaders, met with Adolf Hitler and got his agreement not to pursue his aggression. Chamberlain came home proclaiming, “We have peace in our time,” as he held up the document to cheering crowds. Back in Berlin, Hitler tore up the agreement and ordered his tanks to roll into the Sudetenland, which was part of Czechoslovakia at the time.

· This week (February, 2010), on BBC Radio, a Chinese official vowed that if the United States was not “cooperating” with China. If the U.S. didn’t “cooperate,” the Chinese government would give Iran nuclear capability, call in American debt and refuse to buy American goods. This issue is already a “sticky wicket” for both countries.

The professional politicians we elect are supposed to understand this behavior and hopefully prepare for it. Unfortunately, like us regular folk, these world leaders often don’t understand one another’s behavior. These leaders are subject to the same frailties. Like us, we don’t “connect the dots.”

So if we are try to build our own ideal communication world, perhaps we can prepare ourselves for these possibilities. In short, we have to prepare for a reality that is not so nice.
· We need to prepare for bullying behavior.
· We need to prepare for people to have different perceptions of the same situation.
· We need to prepare for people to lie – consciously or unconsciously Hopefully, we don’t practice lying.
· We need to prepare for chickanery, which includes a variety of deceptive words and deeds interpersonally or in a legal setting.
· We need to prepare for evasive behavior and/or stonewalling
· We have to prepare for a rupture even as we enter a relationship. Colin Powell called it “an exit strategy.
· We have to prepare for Murphy’s Law by having Plan B, Plan C, Plan D, etc.

How do you prepare for the possibility of difficult behavior? Or in this case,how do you prepare to fire someone?
The preparation for the act of firing someone happens well before the actual incident. You must make sure all parties are clear about the standards of behavior that you expect, as the boss or a partner in a personal relationship.

· Yet we have to be emotionally prepared for a rupture. Our study of the Laws of Murphy s should have prepared us for “Crap Detection,” one of Ernest Hemingway’s strategies.
· We need to examine our solar plexus for physical indications of emotional and/or physical distress. Our intellectual and emotional radar must be turned on to at least notice negative or non-productive stimuli
· We need to notice patterns of stimuli that do not meet with our own standards of behavior.
· We need to keep a journal of activities – date, time, description of the incident.
· We need to make the other party aware of issues which are of concern to us. In business, it is called a “paper trail.”
· Once a negative pattern has been identified and verified with our own observation, we need to begin to formulate a plan of action.
· We need to reflect on the timing of the firing, the style of confrontation, the words we will use and the follow-through after the moment.
· We need to train mentally and emotionally for the moment of confrontation. You must be
· If we are ethical people, we cannot fire someone in a fit of anger.
· We must remember that this person is a human being with feelings, family and a human context, the person is not a thing and object that is thrown against the wall.

Firing someone, letting someone go or writing a “Dear John” letter (now a Tweet) is a delicate business. The Donald Trump approach is certainly entertaining to watch, especially when you are not on the receiving end. For me, this sledgehammer approach is not my style or preference, simply because there is a human being at the end of your decision.

You never know what may happen when you fire someone. A worst case scenario happened last week at the University of Alabama at Huntsville where a biology professor who was denied tenure shot and killed three faculty members including her chairman and wounded three others.

The abrupt firing without warning is a mine field of possibilities. The short warning for firing someone is “Look before you leap.” The long warning is that, despite your careful preparation, Murphy’s Law may prevail. The best “firing’ needs to be choreographed carefully.

UPCOMING CONVERSATIONS:

March 3, 2010 – A Conversation with James Baldwin - Gary Sheinfeld, a long-time Touro English professor, was a friend of James Baldwin. In this reading Timothy Taylor, Associate Dean of Students, will portray Mr. Baldwin, and Gary Sheinfeld will play himself.

Shortly before Baldwin’s death in 1987, Sheinfeld recorded a conversation with the famous American author, probably his last recorded words. Among Baldwin’s works are “Go Tell It on the Mountain”(1953), “ Giovanni’s Room” (956), “Another Country”(1962), “The Fire Next Time” (1963) and a play “Blues for Mr. Charlie” (1964).

March 10, 2010 - “The Power of No” The word “No” is a powerful word. Negatives always are. “No” is the favorite word of a two-year-old child. “No” blocks forward movement. “No” stops the thinking of some people. “No” provokes negative emotions. “No” can be a powerful position. What do you feel when you say “No”? What do you do? Swear at the person who says “No.” We have lots to talk about. And then there’s passive resistance…..

March 17, 2010 -“Cold Calling in Sales” We are approached by salespeople all the time, even on the phone. “Hi, how are you? I have this great offer…” The sales process runs the gamut from slowly developed persuasion using a variety of tactics to the cold call – the abrupt asking for the prospective customer to buy a product or a service. We’ll take a microscope to this sales technique and do some role plays.

What about one of these topics?
“Rodney King: ‘Why Can’t We Get Along?”
“Repetition”
“Meaning”
“The Seven Heavenly Virtues”
“Why Does History Repeat Itself?”
“Heroism”
“Concentration”
“Coping with Adversity”
“Distraction”
Dean Donne Kampel on “Women & Leadership”
Student Poetry showcase
“Empathy”
“Connecting the Dots”
Role play of cynical people
“Science and Art –Is There a Conflict?” Led by Charles Borkhuis
And dozens of others!

What happened on Wednesday,
February 3, 2010?
Compare the notice of the session with what really happened!
“Asking Questions in Class”-
I have noticed in my classes that most students don’t ask a lot of questions, other than “When is class over?” I don’t know why. I must be a boring teacher. Maybe the students have been things to do with their minds. For me, questioning is the best avenue of learning anything. When you ask questions, your mind is engaged with the material. When you ask questions on a date, your mind is engaged in the relationship. You know the old adage, “The only dumb question is the one that isn’t asked.” Let’s see what happens.

The session began with newcomer Brittany Robles, the new work study student for the Communication Department having a conversation with Hal Wicke. Slowly over the next two hours, Jermaine Nurse, James Millner, Lorinda Moore, Charles Mason, Carlisle Yearwood, Drani Gabu and Chui Hing Yaw joined the conversation. Hal distributed a handout on questions.

Hal put on the board a number of ideas, none of which were really addressed in the discussion.
· What is a question?
· Why do you ask a question?
· How do you “frame” your question?
· What do you listen for in a response?
o Direct response
o Indirect response
o Non-response
o Stone-walling
o Evasive response
· Developing a questioning strategy
o Playing dumb
o Going on a fishing trip

The conversation was too meandering to take notes, jumping from statements to anecdotes. Among the comments were;
· Fake questions
· You go into a shell when you are afraid to ask a question
· “There is no such thing as a dumb question.”
· “The dumb question is the one that isn’t asked.”
· “I have to remove myself from a difficult emotional situation to be able to use my brain to ask a question.”
· “Not being heard.”
· What about the student who doesn’t say anything until the end?
· Attitudes provoke questions
· Customers don’t ask questions of the salespeople (lots of anecdotes)
· You have to know a lot to ask a question.
· What does your gut say? Does it feel strange? Hemingway’s ‘crap detection”

You don’t have to know very much at all if you trust your gut and have Kipling’s “Seven Helping Hands”
These are “Question stems” – Who, What, Where, When, Which, Why and How. All questions can be built from these question stems.

Hal concluded by going through the Question and Answer handout.
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We always have a great time exploring these issues. So often our daily life never focuses on these Communication issues. If you have something you want us to discuss please let us know and we’ll add it to the list.

Next time bring a friend. The Communication Club is always an open discussion, limited only by time. Everyone gets a chance to speak. All opinions are welcome. Here is an opportunity for students to challenge professors’ views outside the class without any homework or assignments. You just have to show up and listen and talk if you want.

Hal Wicke