Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Touro Communication Club Notes #89 – September 30, 2009
Communication Quote of the Week
“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter – ‘tis the difference between the lightning bug and lightning.”
Mark Twain, pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens, 1835–1910, American author. As humorist, narrator, and social observer, Twain is unsurpassed in American literature. His novel The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, a masterpiece of humor, characterization, and realism, has been called the first (and sometimes the best) modern American novel. (Columbia Encyclopedia)
The Touro Communication Club
2 pm - Wednesday, September 30, 2009 – Room 223
“Elevator Speeches
We need to practice thinking on our feet. We did impromptu speaking in the spring. The “Elevator Speech”is a specific “speech” you develop in advance of needing to give it. It lasts about 30 seconds, the typical time it takes an elevator to rise to its floor. Typical “Elevator Speeches” are a job introduction, a product summary, a proposal for a change in a way of doing something.
A Note to Communicators:
Language Matters
Strategy: To notice patterns of communication behavior and deconstruct these verbal and non-verbal behaviors
Tactic: To develop tactics to counter or at least to neutralize negative communication behavior.
The longer I am involved with communication, the more I realize how complicated it is. We say something we think is ok, but the other person gets angry or hurt. We write things – even twitter messages with its reductionist demands of 140 characters – and we get misunderstood.
Why does this continue to happen? My guess is that we often speak without thinking of the impact of our words on our audience. If you are a politician or public figure every move and word is under the media microscope 24/7. Even President Obama, who is an acknowledged master of words, has made a couple of faux pas on national television. When he gives a speech , you notice he’s reading a script.
Mark Twain’s quotation at the top of the blog highlights the difficulty in finding the “right” word. But in our ordinary conversation, I’m not sure we are as careful as we might be.
Not only are we not as careful as we might, we are so often preoccupied with ourselves we don’t even notice that we haven’t picked the right word – not to say even the “approximately accurate” word.
We shoot from the lip in most of our communication transactions. That works most of the time, but then there are times when we need to be more careful in our language choice. These situations occur when the stakes of how we communicate are raised – a job interview, a comment in class, a love relationship – and especially when we speak at the United Nations.
How do we attempt to say what we mean? We’ve got to make sure we think about what your message is going to include before you send it to your mouth for external distribution.
Easier said than done. You have to think about the audience to whom you are sending your message. You have to be aware if certain words might trigger unwelcome responses. You have be prepared for unanticipated responses which your words have generated.
Sounds like you’ve got to walk on eggs all the time. I don’t think so. However, thinking and awareness do help in a pinch.
If you are operating in a narcissistic bubble where you are the center of world, you need only to shoot from t he lip when you want. Who cares about consequences? It’s only your world that counts.
Most of us can’t afford to for long to operate in a bubble – not enough money, not a big enough posse, not enough paparazzi, not enough power. When our communication repeatedly explodes in our face, should we consider modifying our vocabulary? I would hope so.
Then again, we all know people who never become aware of how they communicate. If these people are important to us, we need to devise a different set of strategies to cope with them. If they are useful to us only on occasion, we need to develop ways to ensure our ideas are not trampled on. If they are not important to us, we need to realize that these people need to quickly become history in our lives.
UPCOMING CONVERSATIONS:
October 7 - “Giving Criticism”- We all do it. We criticize our bosses, our teachers, our parents, our friends. Why do we do it? How do we do it? When do we give criticism? This topic is an emotional time-bomb. We’ll discuss why and how we can do it more productively.
October 14 – “Civility” – Several weeks ago, this blogger wrote about “On Civility.” The Pittsburgh G20 summit this past week is another evidence of incivility. President Obama commented that the demonstrations were “mild” compared to past G20 summits. Incivility occurs at all levels of society. How do we recognize it? Is incivility just part of our life? How do we handle incivility when it is directed at us? Are we uncivil at times?
What about one of these topics?
“How Do You Fire Someone?”
“Thinking”
“Rap and Hip Hop – What’s the Message?"
”SPAR Debate”
“Rodney King: ‘Why Can’t We Get Along?”
“Asking Questions in Class”
“Cold Calling in Sales”
“The Seven Deadly Sins”
“The Seven Heavenly Virtues”
“Why Does History Repeat Itself?”
“Charles Borkhuis and his radio plays”
And dozens of others!
What happ ened on Wednesday, September 16, 2009? “How do you know you don’t understand? How do you know anything?”
Newcomer Abraham Luna quickly joined in the spirit of the group which included Markus Vayndorf, Gary Sheinfeld, Carlisle Yearwood, Charles Mason, Ronald Johnson, Jose Dunker, Lorinda Moore, Meggy Lindsay and Hal Wicke.
Hal described a familiar situation he experienced in class where he was sure he knew what the assignment was until he realized he didn’t understand it. He keeps asking himself, “How do I know what I know? Do I really understand what I’ve read or heard?”
A variety comments followed.
· It’s like riding a bike. You can’t learn to ride a bike from a book.
· If you can’t “do” it, you don’t know it. [whatever “it” is.]
· Paraphrase what you think you’ve heard or read to verify that you understand the information.
· Knowledge and language are always intermingled [Gary ]
· You have the concept and then its application.
· There are 2 parts to knowledge: common sense knowledge and academic knowledge [Markus]
· Knowledge as instrumental and knowledge as feeling. [Gary]
· There is experience beyond knowledge. Beyond a certain point, you can’t explain it with words (Carlisle).
· Immanuel Kant – there is a gap between imagination and cognition [Gary]
· “I don’t understand what you’re talking about” says one student, rolling his eyes.
· Gary tells the joke of the talking dog. No one laughs. “Cognition is not there while you are laughing.”
· Art transcends words.
· There are a variety of perceptions – rational, irrational and non-rational.
· Innate perception – animals run when the forest is on fire [Gary]
· A poem is a linguistic perception of the physical.
· Are we all Pavlov’s dogs? We are influenced by our social environment.
· Why does a school of sardines act as one when swimming? [Gary]
· Jose told of his grandmother who controlled the family with a flick of her eyebrows.
· We resist anything that we do not believe in.
· Two spoke about two different reactions to the rules of their households. One followed them to the letter. The other rebelled yet took the punishment for not obeying.
· Carlisle brought up “Seth Speaks,” an alternative view of reality that was “channeled” through a medium. It scared the daylights out of him.
· Animals change when they are threatened by a predator. Animals have not choice. They are programmed.
· Knowing, thinking and doing are important parts of our daily life [Ron]
· If we have a “gut” feeling, we need to verify it.
· Paraphrase to20verify. Ask the teacher.
· When there is understanding, there is a release of energy
· Do you watch body language?
Awareness needs to be sharpened in order to behave calmly when the five senses are overwhelmed and merge into our worldview. A never ending process.
Markus bid us adieu in his grand manner saying, E2I know I have to teach a class now.”
We always have a great time exploring these issues. So often our daily life never focuses on these Communication issues. If you have something you want us to discuss please let us know and we’ll add it to the list.
Next time bring a friend. The Communication Club is always an open discussion, limited only by time. Everyone gets a chance to speak. All opinions are welcome. Here is an opportunity for students to challenge professors’ views outside the class without any homework or assignments. You just have to show up and listen and talk if you want.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

The Touro Communication Club Notes #88 – September 23, 2009
Communication Quote of the Week
It’s not what you say; it’s what people hear.”
Frank Luntz, author of “Words That20Work,” is a conservative pollster who was instrumental in framing the 1994 Republican “Contract with America.” The quote is the subtitle of his book.
The Touro Communication Club
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
“How do You know You Don’t Understand?
How do You Know You Know?”
This is a familiar feeling for many of us. Situation: Someone is saying something to you. As someone talks, you slowly realize you don’t understand what he/she is saying. Or: Same situation: You realize you haven’t been listening. Or: Same situation: You disagree with the person. There are dozens of other situations. What happens in your mind? Then what do you do?
The idea of knowing anything belongs to the philosophical field called “epistemology” – the theory of knowledge. Don’t worry. We are going to just begin to explore this endlessly fascinating topic.
A Note to Communicators:
On Civility
Strategy: To notice patterns of communication behavior and deconstruct these verbal and non-verbal behaviors
Tactic: To develop tactics to counter or at least to neutralize negative communication behavior.
The health care “debates” of August have morphed into the arguments of September. As this very controversial issue reaches its climax in the national “conversation,” we are seeing emotion responses triumphing over rational discourse.
&n bsp;
The summer temperature is spreading from the world of politics to the entertainment world to the world of the classroom. You wonder when all these events happened in less than 4 days.
Republican Congressman Joe Wilson shouts “You lie!” at President Obama during his address on health care before a joint session of Congress.
Serena Williams, a top tennis champion, loses the championship match after threatening a judge at the U.S. Open in Forest when she was disqualified for stepping on the service line.
Kanye West, the rapper, jumps on stage and interrupts the MVA award presentation to Taylor Swift to say that Byoncé Knowles should have won the award.
Roger Federer, the top tennis champion, lets loose a profanity at the judge after disagreeing with the judge on a call. Federer lost the match.
Oh, yes, they all apologized. Sure. Pretty empty ritualistic gestures written by PR people. But that’s another topic.
Those were only four widely circulated You Tube specials. Then there were the usual less than polite accusations from cable broadcasters such as MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews, CNN’s Rick Sanchez and Lou Dobbs and Fox News’s Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly plus a variety of talk radio hosts Rush Limbaugh and Ed Schultz) Negative labeling, name calling, negative photos, emotionally loaded language, misrepresentations and distorted statements are the dominant conversation model for our democracy.
Who said that a democracy should be polite? This is a democracy where people should be able to disagree as loudly or coarsely as they choose. So says the First Amendment’s Freedom of speech amendment to the U.S. Constitution. < /FONT>
The freedom of the Internet allows virtually anyone who has a mouth or camera or can twitter to shoot off their mouths. Liberty brings license to say ANYTHING without consequence. Even the First Amendment does not allow “yelling fire in a theatre” as a freedom of speech right.
But the communication ethos is a laissez-faire attitude, not unlike to financial ethos of “Anything Goes” that led to the current economic meltdown.
The media ethos inevitably has an impact on the classroom. I am very worried about the impact on my students. During this summer, there have been a handful of grade disputes when the student felt he/she deserved a higher grade despite the evidence that the professor has collected.
In the past, I have had students shout out “That’s wrong” before I have had an opportunity to develop my discussion. There is a difference between “Wrong” and “Disagreeing.” I sense their assumption is “You are wrong if you disagree with me.” Golly, that makes for difficulty communication. I have observed first hand students and instructors call each other “liars.” I have observed both groups disrespect the other in their defense of their position.
As the emotional temperatures rise, there is no middle ground for a calm discussion to clarify the points of disagreement. Language disintegrates into shouting. In one situation, both students screamed they wanted to settle their argument on the street.
What are the models students have for their communication? The ‘street” with its raw communication style. The media with its growing coarseness. Relationships between genders often disintegrate into negative communication.
For some people, respect is a one-way street. It is something you expect from others, but you aren’t expected to give. The Golden Rule doesn’t exist.
The most powerful models around us for communication are often negative. If a Congressman can yell at a President, it’s ok for me to yell at an authority figure. If Kanye West behaves boorishly, it’s ok for me to behave that way. Swearing at officials is ok for people to do because rules really don’t matter in our everyday life.
The positive models are usually boring. Emily Post, Amy Vanderbilt and Miss Manners are so irrelevant to how to behave. Each in her way has talked about civility. Stephen Carter wrote a fascinating book in 1998 on “Civility: Manners, Morals and the Etiquette of Democracy.” Communication coarseness has increased in eleven years.
What can you do? I’ll address this next week.
I am so concerned about issues of “Civility” that I have scheduled a workshop on the topic as part of Faculty Development Day on November 11. 2009.

UPCOMING CONVERSATIONS:
September 30 – “Elevator Speeches”- We may have got out of practice of thinking on our feet. We did impromptu speaking in the spring. The “Elevator Sp eech” is something you develop in advance of needing to give it. It lasts about 30 seconds, the typical time it takes an elevator to rise to its floor. Typical “Elevator Speeches” are a job introduction, a product summary, a proposal for a change in a way of doing something.
October 7 - “Giving Criticism”- We all do it. We criticize our bosses, our teachers, our parents, our friends. Why do we do it? How do we do it? When do we give criticism? This topic is an emotional time-bomb. We’ll discuss why and how we can do it more productively.
What about one of these topics?
“How Do You Fire Someone?”
“Thinking”
“Rap and Hip Hop – What’s the Message?"
”SPAR Debate”
“Rodney King: ‘Why Can’t We Get Along?”
“Asking Questions in Class”
“Cold Calling in Sales”
“The Seven Deadly Sins”
“The Seven Heavenly Virtues”
“Why Does History Repeat Itself?”
And dozens of others!
What happened on Wednesday, September 16, 2009? “Gossip”
The lively dozen included Jose Dunker, Ronald Johnson, Richard Green, Pamela Sheppard, Charles Mason, Warren Kunz (Mickey Mouse), Markus Vayndorf, Gareth Bryant, Erica Bell, James Millner, Lorinda Moore and Hal Wicke.
Questions on the board to start the conversation were:
  • Gossip: what is it?
    • Definition
    • Characteristics
  • What’s the difference between gossip and rumor?
  • How does it start/
  • What keeps it going?
  • Does it ever stop?
  • Question: Do you gossip?
Yes 10
No – 1 ½ (?)
What is gossip?
· Talking behind people’s backs
· T alking about positive and negative facts about people
· Gossip is almost always negative
· “Negative comments are part of human nature. We get more joy out of being negative than positive.”
· Topics – sports, awards
· People can’t defend themselves against gossip
· The grapevine is used to spread information
· Gossip is a trial balloon for testing the value of an opinion
· Gossip is usual private and personal
· People who gossip don’t carry any responsibility for the quality of the gossip. You just pass it on.
· Telling the facts is not gossip.
· Gossip is telling unverified information; it remains gossip until it is verified.
· You can’t talk about religion and politics without getting into trouble. Sex, too?
· Sex is ripe for gossip
It can lead to sexual harassment
· Is opinion gossip?
We had a lengthy discussion about whether it is acceptable to gossip about public figures (e.g., the sexual activities of politicians and priests) Lots of examples were cited.
Gareth reminded the group of Queen Elizabeth’s private love life. He recalled the many English children’s nursery rhymes which were make palatable the traumas of the day (e.g., the Black Plague in “Ring Around of Roses”)
As always, these sessions are open for everyone to attend. Bring a friend and join the excitement. See you next time.
What ab out fear of gossip?
· Do professors give high grades because they fear the gossip of the students influencing the administration?
· Are student evaluations of teachers “gossip”? Do they reflect “fact”?
Can gossip be useful?
· Always 1
· Sometimes – 7
Can we stop negative gossip?
Because gossip is so prevalent and often unreliable, the use of “hearsay” (2nd hand information) is not acceptable in court.
The impact of gossip can be considered the basis for:
· the legal concept of habeas corpus (have the body – the evidence) and
· The 6th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution –the right to confront witnesses.
Character assassination, including ad hominum arguments (attack the person, not the issue) needs to be recognized and countered.
We ran out of time but other issues related to gossip can provide further reflection.
Gossip as a tool of propaganda and political campaigns.
· Gossip as a public relations tool.
· Gossip as a tool to gain advantage over an opponent.
· Do you trust the source of gossip?
· How can you verify the accuracy of gossip?
· How do you neutralize the impact of gossip?
· Whether accurate or not, why does gossip pass from person to person so quickly?
· Can you recognize gossip when YOU pass it on? When you hear it?
· And on and on…
We always have a great time exploring these issues. So often our daily life never focuses on these Communication issues. If you have something you want us to discuss please let us know and we’ll add it to the list.
Next time bring a friend. The Communication Club is always an open discussion, limited only by time. Everyone gets a chance to speak. All opinions are welcome. Here is an opportunity for students to challenge professors’ views outside the class without any homework or assignments. You jus t have to show up and listen and talk if you want.

Hal Wicke

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The Touro Communication Club is
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Our topic will be
“Gossip: Does It Affect Communication?”
Of course it does. But how gossip changes the communication is important for us to explore. Is gossip valid? Do people believe gossip? Why are we fascinated with it? We are inundated daily with gossip – from our family, friends, teachers, politicians – and most of all from celebrities. The media makes a ton of money by recycling all kinds of gossip. We won’t name names, but we’ll look at how and why gossip is so much of our lives.

Friday, September 4, 2009

The Touro Communication Club Notes #87 – September 16, 2009
Tourocommunicationclub.blogspot.com

Communication Quote of the Week
“Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.”

The Holy Scriptures (Old Testament) – Proverbs 17:28 (New Living translation)
How a passage is translated is crucial to its understanding. This version combines clarity and pithiness. I chose this version for its ability to convey its message succinctly and clearly.
Although tradition attributes Proverbs to Solomon, the book is probably a collection of various origins dating from the 9th to the 2d cent. B.C.E. Proverbs does insist that the fear of Yahweh is the beginning of knowledge, thus placing the instruction within the framework of faith. (Columbia Encyclopedia).

The Touro Communication Club is
On Hiatus until Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Our topic will be
“Gossip: Does It Affect Communication?”
Of course it does. But how gossip changes the communication is important for us to explore. Is gossip valid? Do people believe gossip? Why are we fascinated with it? We are inundated daily with gossip – from our family, friends, teachers, politicians – and most of all from celebrities. The media makes a ton of money by recycling all kinds of gossip. We won’t name names, but we’ll look at how and why gossip is so much of our lives.

A Note to Communicators:
Ceremonies and Rituals: The Edward Kennedy Funeral
Strategy: To find the macro in the micro, the universal in the particular, the communication lesson in current events.
Tactic: To recognize how much rituals and ceremonies communication messages.
Definition: Although sociologists and anthropologists may disagree, I will define “a ceremony as a group of rituals.” A ceremony is a public event. A ritual may be public or private. Both communicate multiple simultaneous messages that are conscious and/or unconscious.

Ceremonies include weddings, funerals, rites of passage (bar and bas mitzvahs, confirmations), graduations, and retirement parties. Rituals include the marriage proposal (the man on one knee), the presentations of engagement and wedding rings, wedding gifts, the best man speech at a wedding, the presentation of diplomas, the eulogy(s) at a funeral, religious holiday decorations and parties, the christening of a new ship, cigars at important events.

The funeral on Saturday, August 29, 2009, of Senator Edward M. Kennedy is focus of this week’s commentary. If you missed his funeral on TV, you’ve probably witnessed others that are similar. Senator Kennedy’s funeral could be labeled a Rolls Royce event. Not many fit that category. The President of the United States of America gave the final eulogy. Three former presidents and many members of Congress were in the congregation. International classical music stars Placido Domingo and Susan Graham sang while Yo Yo Ma played the cello. – twice. Then there was the entire Kennedy clan participating and in the front row. A military honor guard handled the casket.

Now that is an EVENT. It almost felt like a state funeral. Sadly, the Kennedys know how to do funerals.Ted Kennedy was a Catholic and his funeral was held in Our Lady of Perpetual Help Basilica in Boston.
The Roman Catholic Church is well known for its clearly articulated ritual Mass The architecture supports the belief system. The priests are dressed in ecclesiastical robes and the Archbishop of Massachusetts, dressed in red and white vestments, wears the miter with tails to indicate his status.

The architecture of the Roman Catholic church with its Gothic arches and plentiful religious statuary and symbology is a concrete manifestation of the religion. The sequence of events conveys a stable belief system to which the congregation – presumably all believers – are witnesses. The ritual of the Holy Eucharist – the bread and wine – is the centerpiece of the ceremony.

The entire ceremony with its interior rituals is designed to convey tranquility, order, stability, confidence in the validity of the religion. The Roman Catholic Church has been polishing these details for some 2000 years and every detail has religious significance. For believers, the environment and ceremony enhances and reinforces the belief system for believers. For non-believers, the funeral ceremony is an event in honor of a well regarded person to whom they have come to pay their respects.

That President Obama and Kennedy’s two sons spoke after the Eucharist was a secular violation of the integrity of the typical Mass. The American flag covering the casket was replaced when the casket was carried into the church and covered with a funeral drape and restored outside the church.

We could continue to deconstruct the Kennedy funeral, but then this would become an undergraduate exercise in semiotics – the study of signs and their impact on society.

Probably the most unusual aspect of the event, for me, was the presence of Barack and Michelle Obama – two of a handful of dark faces in a sea of pink faces. Although no one has made reference to this phenomenon, the mere physical presence of the Obamas in everything in which they participate continues to create a ground-breaking precedent.

David Dinkins’ “gorgeous mosaic” sends another powerful message that the American landscape continues to change. Another semiotic reality to contemplate what it communicates.

UPCOMING CONVERSATIONS:
September 23 - “How do You know You Don’t Understand?” This is a familiar feeling for many of us. Situation: Someone is saying something to you. As this person talks, you slowly realize you don’t understand what he/she is saying. Or: Same situation: You realize you haven’t been listening. Or: Same situation: You disagree with the person. There are dozens of other situations. What happens in your mind? Then what do you do?

September 30 – “Elevator Speeches”- We may have got out of practice of thinking on our feet. We did impromptu speaking in the spring. The “Elevato r Speech” is something you develop in advance of needing to give it. It lasts about 30 seconds, the typical time it takes an elevator to rise to its floor. Typical “Elevator Speeches” are a job introduction, a product summary, a proposal for a change in a way of doing something.
What about one of these topics?

“Giving Criticism”
“How Do You Fire Someone?”
“Thinking”
“Rap and Hip Hop – What’s the Message?"
”SPAR Debate”
“Asking Questions in Class”
“Cold Calling in Sales”
“The Seven Deadly Sins” and “The Seven Heavenly Virtues”
“Why Does History Repeat Itself?”
And dozens of others!

What happened on Wednesday, August 5, 2009?
“Professional Communication”
In the slow days of summer, it was impressive that so many students showed for this discussion. Two newcomers, Shavonne Jackson and Lorraine (whose name is on the misplaced the sign-in sheet) added much to the conversation. Familiar faces included Lorinda Moore, Pamela Sheppard, Ronald Johnson Erica Bell, Charles Mason and Hal Wicke.
Hal put on the board some guides to the discussion
· Define “professional.”
· Contrast “professional” and “unprofessional.”
· What is the behavior of “professional communication?
· What is your level of communication?
The term, “professional,” for most people, creates a mental image that is verbalized in very different ways. This was true in Hal’s attempt to define “professional.” Examples from the group:
· Using the right terms. Dotting the “i’s’ and crosses the “t’s.” Replying to questions when asked.
· Try to be precise about information.
· Speak appropriately about what is said.
What are some “unprofessional” behaviors?
· Slang.
· Going off on tangents.
· Sloppy, uncaring language.
· Inappropriate language.
When then are the norms for the street? The response was enthusiastic. Some responses:
· Dress
· High awareness of environment
· Alert to status
· Always on guard
So we have different norms for different situations: We speak one way with out family. We speak another way on the street. We learn to speak differently in a school or work situation.
Comedian Dave Chapelle20says that he is bi-lingual. One language for his “homeies” and another “proper” English for the workplace. He calls that language “jobs speak.”
What do we expect in our communication exchange when we meet someone?
· “Good morning.”
· Some kind of hospitality or greeting.
· Use different language.
· Put best foot forward
· Know we have to change behavior.
· Acknowledge the other person.
Why does President Obama receive respect from his audiences in the current town meetings on health care and many senators and members of Congress have disagreements yelled at them? People respect the office of President much more than the offices of a member of Congress.
Question: What do you do when someone disagrees with you?
Hal suggested a tactic from sales training when a sales person meets an objection. The tactic is “Feel, Felt, Found.” In specific, it goes
· “I understand how you feel.” (Expand on the feelings.)
· “At one point, I felt the same way you do.” (Expand on how you felt.”
· “But, I have found that (the opposite is true of your position.)
Question: Do you ALWAYS show respect when you meet another person?
Yes - 6
No - 1

The person who said “no” does not want to appear to “suck up” to anyone. This issue needs to be explored.

What about in class? Do you feel your teachers respect you?

Yes – almost everyone. The person was uncertain at first, thinking of a particular teacher, and then changed her mind.

Should the teacher be a friend of the student? Everyone said “No,” because the classroom situation requires distance between the two. There are boundaries.

Ronald spoke of his work as a martial arts instructor. As instructor, he is not his students’ friend.=2 0He is there to teach. “Martial arts are a way of life,” says Ronald. As sensei (martial arts teacher), he is not the friend of the students. As a father, he is also not his child’s friend either.

A consensus: “A parent is always a parent, regardless of how old the person is. How the relationship is established is very important.”

In customer service, often the representative has to deal with an abusive customer. What do you do? Talk calmly, avoid name calling. Don’t get into an argument

Lorraine commented, “You can’t take this stuff (verbal abuse) personally.” “I’m in a lovely space and don’t bust my bubble.” “Sometimes I have to do a little work on myself.” “I monitor myself.” “I want to see beauty in20the world.” “That’s why I’m majoring in Human Services.”
What is a friend?
· Someone who is there for you.
· Mutual respect for different opinions
· You are comfortable with a friend.
· Tells you the good AND the bad.
Obama does a version of this tactic when he answers questions. The 3F (feel, felt, found) tactic softens a disagreement. It demands presence of mind on the person who disagrees. And it takes a certain amount of time that promotes respectful disagreement.

Many of the above communication issues are questions of “power distance.” Within a culture, who is in the superior role? Who is in the inferior role? Are the people on an equal plane?

In a class you are the student who observes cheating? What do you do? Mind your own business during the exam. Hope the professor is grading on a curve. Do you report it to the professor? Most of the responses indicated that no one would blow the whistle on the cheater.
Now, the Lorinda question, “What did I learn from today?”
· “I want to be a regular part of these workshops.”
· “Communication is important.”
· “There are different meanings for friends.”
· “There are different techniques which we can practice everyday.”
· “I learned I have to be multi-lingual when I talk to people.”
· “I’m beginning to see how I have to change my communication.”
As always, these sessions are open for everyone to attend. Bring a friend and join the excitement. See you next time.

Hal Wicke