The Touro Communication Club Notes #88 – September 23, 2009

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Communication Quote of the Week

“It’s not what you say; it’s what people hear.”

Frank Luntz, author of “Words That20Work,” is a conservative pollster who was instrumental in framing the 1994 Republican “Contract with America.” The quote is the subtitle of his book.

The Touro Communication Club

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

“How do You know You Don’t Understand?

How do You Know You Know?”

This is a familiar feeling for many of us. Situation: Someone is saying something to you. As someone talks, you slowly realize you don’t understand what he/she is saying. Or: Same situation: You realize you haven’t been listening. Or: Same situation: You disagree with the person. There are dozens of other situations. What happens in your mind? Then what do you do?

The idea of knowing anything belongs to the philosophical field called “epistemology” – the theory of knowledge. Don’t worry. We are going to just begin to explore this endlessly fascinating topic.

A Note to Communicators:

On Civility

Strategy: To notice patterns of communication behavior and deconstruct these verbal and non-verbal behaviors

Tactic: To develop tactics to counter or at least to neutralize negative communication behavior.

The health care “debates” of August have morphed into the arguments of September. As this very controversial issue reaches its climax in the national “conversation,” we are seeing emotion responses triumphing over rational discourse.

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The summer temperature is spreading from the world of politics to the entertainment world to the world of the classroom. You wonder when all these events happened in less than 4 days.

Republican Congressman Joe Wilson shouts “You lie!” at President Obama during his address on health care before a joint session of Congress.

Serena Williams, a top tennis champion, loses the championship match after threatening a judge at the U.S. Open in Forest when she was disqualified for stepping on the service line.

Kanye West, the rapper, jumps on stage and interrupts the MVA award presentation to Taylor Swift to say that Byoncé Knowles should have won the award.

Roger Federer, the top tennis champion, lets loose a profanity at the judge after disagreeing with the judge on a call. Federer lost the match.

Oh, yes, they all apologized. Sure. Pretty empty ritualistic gestures written by PR people. But that’s another topic.

Those were only four widely circulated You Tube specials. Then there were the usual less than polite accusations from cable broadcasters such as MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews, CNN’s Rick Sanchez and Lou Dobbs and Fox News’s Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly plus a variety of talk radio hosts Rush Limbaugh and Ed Schultz) Negative labeling, name calling, negative photos, emotionally loaded language, misrepresentations and distorted statements are the dominant conversation model for our democracy.

Who said that a democracy should be polite? This is a democracy where people should be able to disagree as loudly or coarsely as they choose. So says the First Amendment’s Freedom of speech amendment to the U.S. Constitution. < /FONT>

The freedom of the Internet allows virtually anyone who has a mouth or camera or can twitter to shoot off their mouths. Liberty brings license to say ANYTHING without consequence. Even the First Amendment does not allow “yelling fire in a theatre” as a freedom of speech right.

But the communication ethos is a laissez-faire attitude, not unlike to financial ethos of “Anything Goes” that led to the current economic meltdown.

The media ethos inevitably has an impact on the classroom. I am very worried about the impact on my students. During this summer, there have been a handful of grade disputes when the student felt he/she deserved a higher grade despite the evidence that the professor has collected.

In the past, I have had students shout out “That’s wrong” before I have had an opportunity to develop my discussion. There is a difference between “Wrong” and “Disagreeing.” I sense their assumption is “You are wrong if you disagree with me.” Golly, that makes for difficulty communication. I have observed first hand students and instructors call each other “liars.” I have observed both groups disrespect the other in their defense of their position.

As the emotional temperatures rise, there is no middle ground for a calm discussion to clarify the points of disagreement. Language disintegrates into shouting. In one situation, both students screamed they wanted to settle their argument on the street.

What are the models students have for their communication? The ‘street” with its raw communication style. The media with its growing coarseness. Relationships between genders often disintegrate into negative communication.

For some people, respect is a one-way street. It is something you expect from others, but you aren’t expected to give. The Golden Rule doesn’t exist.

The most powerful models around us for communication are often negative. If a Congressman can yell at a President, it’s ok for me to yell at an authority figure. If Kanye West behaves boorishly, it’s ok for me to behave that way. Swearing at officials is ok for people to do because rules really don’t matter in our everyday life.

The positive models are usually boring. Emily Post, Amy Vanderbilt and Miss Manners are so irrelevant to how to behave. Each in her way has talked about civility. Stephen Carter wrote a fascinating book in 1998 on “Civility: Manners, Morals and the Etiquette of Democracy.” Communication coarseness has increased in eleven years.

What can you do? I’ll address this next week.

I am so concerned about issues of “Civility” that I have scheduled a workshop on the topic as part of Faculty Development Day on November 11^. 2009.

UPCOMING CONVERSATIONS:

September 30 – “Elevator Speeches”- We may have got out of practice of thinking on our feet. We did impromptu speaking in the spring. The “Elevator Sp eech” is something you develop in advance of needing to give it. It lasts about 30 seconds, the typical time it takes an elevator to rise to its floor. Typical “Elevator Speeches” are a job introduction, a product summary, a proposal for a change in a way of doing something.

October 7 - “Giving Criticism”- We all do it. We criticize our bosses, our teachers, our parents, our friends. Why do we do it? How do we do it? When do we give criticism? This topic is an emotional time-bomb. We’ll discuss why and how we can do it more productively.

What about one of these topics?

“How Do You Fire Someone?”

“Thinking”

“Rap and Hip Hop – What’s the Message?"

”SPAR Debate”

“Rodney King: ‘Why Can’t We Get Along?”

“Asking Questions in Class”

“Cold Calling in Sales”

“The Seven Deadly Sins”

“The Seven Heavenly Virtues”

“Why Does History Repeat Itself?”

And dozens of others!

What happened on Wednesday, September 16, 2009? “Gossip”

The lively dozen included Jose Dunker, Ronald Johnson, Richard Green, Pamela Sheppard, Charles Mason, Warren Kunz (Mickey Mouse), Markus Vayndorf, Gareth Bryant, Erica Bell, James Millner, Lorinda Moore and Hal Wicke.

Questions on the board to start the conversation were:

• Gossip: what is it?
• Definition
• Characteristics
• What’s the difference between gossip and rumor?
• How does it start/
• What keeps it going?
• Does it ever stop?
• Question: Do you gossip?

Yes 10

No – 1 ½ (?)

What is gossip?

· Talking behind people’s backs

· T alking about positive and negative facts about people

· Gossip is almost always negative

· “Negative comments are part of human nature. We get more joy out of being negative than positive.”

· Topics – sports, awards

· People can’t defend themselves against gossip

· The grapevine is used to spread information

· Gossip is a trial balloon for testing the value of an opinion

· Gossip is usual private and personal

· People who gossip don’t carry any responsibility for the quality of the gossip. You just pass it on.

· Telling the facts is not gossip.

· Gossip is telling unverified information; it remains gossip until it is verified.

· You can’t talk about religion and politics without getting into trouble. Sex, too?

· Sex is ripe for gossip

It can lead to sexual harassment

· Is opinion gossip?

We had a lengthy discussion about whether it is acceptable to gossip about public figures (e.g., the sexual activities of politicians and priests) Lots of examples were cited.

Gareth reminded the group of Queen Elizabeth’s private love life. He recalled the many English children’s nursery rhymes which were make palatable the traumas of the day (e.g., the Black Plague in “Ring Around of Roses”)

As always, these sessions are open for everyone to attend. Bring a friend and join the excitement. See you next time.

What ab out fear of gossip?

· Do professors give high grades because they fear the gossip of the students influencing the administration?

· Are student evaluations of teachers “gossip”? Do they reflect “fact”?

Can gossip be useful?

· Always 1

· Sometimes – 7

Can we stop negative gossip?

Because gossip is so prevalent and often unreliable, the use of “hearsay” (2^nd hand information) is not acceptable in court.

The impact of gossip can be considered the basis for:

· the legal concept of habeas corpus (have the body – the evidence) and

· The 6^th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution –the right to confront witnesses.

Character assassination, including ad hominum arguments (attack the person, not the issue) needs to be recognized and countered.

We ran out of time but other issues related to gossip can provide further reflection.
Gossip as a tool of propaganda and political campaigns.

· Gossip as a public relations tool.

· Gossip as a tool to gain advantage over an opponent.

· Do you trust the source of gossip?

· How can you verify the accuracy of gossip?

· How do you neutralize the impact of gossip?

· Whether accurate or not, why does gossip pass from person to person so quickly?

· Can you recognize gossip when YOU pass it on? When you hear it?

· And on and on…

We always have a great time exploring these issues. So often our daily life never focuses on these Communication issues. If you have something you want us to discuss please let us know and we’ll add it to the list.

Next time bring a friend. The Communication Club is always an open discussion, limited only by time. Everyone gets a chance to speak. All opinions are welcome. Here is an opportunity for students to challenge professors’ views outside the class without any homework or assignments. You jus t have to show up and listen and talk if you want.

Hal Wicke