The Touro Communication Club Notes - #108 –March 10, 2010 Tourocommunicationclub.blogspot.com

Five Quotes about Words
Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
Anonymous
One great use of words is to hide our thoughts.
Voltaire
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.
John F. Kennedy
I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action.”
Mae West

The Touro Communication Club
2 pm - Wednesday, March 10, 2010– Room 223
“The Power of No”
The word “No” is a powerful word. Negatives always are. “No” is the favorite word of a two-year-old child. “No” blocks forward movement. “No” stops the thinking of some people. “No” provokes negative emotions. “No” can be a powerful position. What do you feel when you say “No”? What do you do? Swear at the person who says “No.” We have lots to talk about. And then there’s passive resistance…..

A Note to Communicators:

Too Many Words about Word “No”

This week’s club meeting we are talking about one word, “No.” It’s a powerful word. We hear it all the time. Perhaps we used it a lot. Children use “No.” Adults use “No.” Customers say “No.” Human relations are often built on various forms of “No.”

“No” is part of the human landscape. Historical figures paid a price for saying “No” to the prevailing wisdom. Joan of Arc said “No” to the English and was burned at the stake. Galileo said “No” to the belief that the world is flat and was excommunicated from the Catholic Church. Martin Luther King, Jr., said “No” to inhuman treatment and was assassinated. There are so many others.
Yet, the greatest minds of our time have seen “No” not as an endpoint but as an opportunity. Creative people of all stripes – inventors, artists, business people, social activists – have refused to drown in the status quo. Their mindset does not allow “No” to destroy them. Intuitively, they follow the lead of Robert Kennedy who said, “There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why... I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?”

In Congress, we see Republicans using a strategy of voting “No” to much legislation that President Obama has proposed, especially health care. This practice seems to be a strategy to defeat the Democrats, rather than a seriously principled disagreement. It has been extremely successful thus far.

At our individual level, “No” is used so many ways.. “No” can indicate a genuine disagreement. “No” can be a denial of another’s reality. “No” can indicate surprise and shock at a surprise occurrence.

“No” confronts. It sets limits, boundaries. It creates conflict. It creates stalemate. It can lead to an explosion, a fight, a war. It can require negotiation, but most of the time that’s too much trouble. Maintaining your position is more important than compromise. Everything is a win/lose paradigm.

“No” can stop action. It can prevent action. It can deny action. It stops thinking. It can promote anger. It can defeat a movement. Stonewalling, avoiding and other kinds of foot-dragging are non-verbal ways of saying “No” without taking the responsibility of what a “No” position means.

“No” can be carelessly used. It can be emotionally used. It can be the basis of a principled position. It also can be a manifestation of a variety of biases and prejudice. “No” can be used flippantly, as in teasing. “No” may be a delaying strategy.

“No” may be an attempt to establish independence from someone. The two-year-old will say “No” as part of establishing his/her own identify, apart from the parents.

Overcoming “No” can be difficult. You have to know who you are and what you believe. You must have the linguistic acuity to understand the position of “No” and then to develop strategies to confront, bypass, circumvent the position.

In sales training, “No” is only the first to leading the prospect to say “Yes” and to buy the product. In seduction, “No” can really mean “Yes.” Depending on who is doing the seduction, “No” may be a strategy to gain advantage in the negotiation process

When we understand how “No” functions in our vocabulary, we have gained power over the word. We control it. It does not control us.

Language matters. It gives us strength and purpose. When we can recognize its intent in others, we can gauge our responses. When we are able to choose the precise words to express our thoughts, feelings and plans, we establish our identity in our world. We are in charge of ourselves.

UPCOMING CONVERSATIONS:

March 17, 2010 - Dean Donne Kampel on “Women & Leadership”- Women are breaking through the glass ceiling more frequently these days. However, the challenges that female leaders face in traditional hierarchy remain daunting. Dean Kampel will share some of her experiences and secrets as part of our discussion. Her study of these issues is part of her forthcoming book on the topic.

March 24, 2010– “Science and Art – Is there a Conflict?” – A discussion led by Touro poet Charles Borkhuis. More to come.

April 7, 2010 – ““Freedom of Speech” The First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution establishes the right of free speech. What does that mean? Do we really have “free speech”? Is it okay to disrespectful if we have freedom of speech? Do we believe in Voltaire’s dictum, “I may disagree with you, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it.” This one should be interesting.

What about one of these topics?
“Rodney King: ‘Why Can’t We Get Along?”
“Repetition”
“Meaning”
“The Seven Heavenly Virtues”
“Why Does History Repeat Itself?”
“Heroism”
“Concentration”
“Coping with Adversity”
“Distraction”
Student Poetry showcase
“Empathy”
“Connecting the Dots”
Role play of cynical people
“Cold Calling in Sales”
“He’s Just Not That into You”
And dozens of others!

What happened on Wednesday,
March 3, 2010?
Compare the notice of the session with what really happened!
“A Conversation with James Baldwin”
Gary Sheinfeld, a long-time Touro English professor, was a friend of James Baldwin. In this reading Timothy Taylor, Associate Dean of Students, will portray Mr. Baldwin, and Gary Sheinfeld will play himself.

Shortly before Baldwin’s death in 1987, Sheinfeld recorded a conversation with the famous American author, probably his last recorded words. Among Baldwin’s works are “Go Tell It on the Mountain”(1953), “ Giovanni’s Room” (1956), “Another Country”(1962), “The Fire Next Time” (1963) and a play “Blues for Mr. Charlie” (1964).

The room was filled with students and faculty who turned out to hear Dean Timothy Taylor and Professor Gary Sheinfeld perform the last recorded words of James Baldwin, the well-known African American author. English instructor Brenda Coultas brought her literature class to hear the program.

Among the first time visitors were Sorijana Khanel, Paulsaint Petit Freie, Angel Franco, Sonya Simpson, Lillian McCray, Alesya Khaimova, Belinda George, Robert Casey, Dara Taylor, Michael Mattocells, Ian Smith, Jane Heid and Lisa Alonso.

Familiar faces included Brittany Robles, David Nussbaum, Chui, Hing Yau, Ronald Johnson, Pamela Sheppard, Lorinda Moore, Charles Mason, Leon Perkal, Charles Borkhuis, Richard Green, Jean Missial, Grace Gibson, Ruth Abramowitz and Hal Wicke

Professor Sheinfeld prefaced the reading with a short introduction of his relationship with James Baldwin, who died in 1987, shortly after this conversation was recorded. Their friendship began in a bar and continued for several years.

The conversation covered many topics:
· Friendship
· “Imposing order on chaos”
· Betrayal
· Baldwin’s novel “Giovanni’s Room” (1956) was about loneliness, not homosexuality.
· Jean Genet – [French absurdist playwright of the netherworld]
· Falling in love
· “The Negro writer can’t afford to alienate people”
· “Not a lot of people survive poverty.”
· “Most people are cowards. They don’t want to be responsible for their lives.”
· “Afraid to die, afraid to live.”
· “Why am I so gloomy?”
· “Children are special They love you for who you are.”
· “Memory can never be trusted.”
· “No matter how I sound, I am not despairing.”
· “People can learn from each other.”
· “The Social Contract [advocated by Jean Jacques Rousseau] has broken down.”
· Image of Michelob beer – compared to the addiction of crack
· And many other thoughts that went by too fast to write down.

The question and answer period following the reading provoked a variety of questions about the artistry of Baldwin and the friendship of the two men. Professor Sheinfeld told the anecdote of trying to getting Baldwin to speak at his City College English class that ended up unexpectedly being an entire panel of African American writers before the students.

In closing, Professor Sheinfeld observed that “Not Harvard, not Yale, not Princeton had this dialogue. Only Touro students were able to hear this unique conversation.”

The audience seemed quite moved by the exchange in the candor of their statements. Some students had heard of Baldwin, but now felt they knew him better.

Programs such as this Baldwin-Sheinfeld conversation are a special highlight of the Communication Club. In our quest to promote communication, we were privileged to be witnesses to s rare historical document – the private conversation between a Touro professor and a friend of his named James Baldwin. Our education just got richer by the experience.

Thank you, Gary Sheinfeld, for allowing us into your unique world. And thank you, Tim Taylor, for using your theatrical talents to bring Baldwin’s words to life. We were honored.

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We always have a great time exploring these issues. So often our daily life never focuses on these Communication issues. If you have something you want us to discuss please let us know and we’ll add it to the list.

Next time bring a friend. The Communication Club is always an open discussion, limited only by time. Everyone gets a chance to speak. All opinions are welcome. Here is an opportunity for students to challenge professors’ views outside the class without any homework or assignments. You just have to show up and listen and talk if you want.

Hal Wicke