The Touro Communication Club Notes - #129–November 24, 2010
Contents:
1. No quotes about Communication between the sexes.
2. UPCOMING CLUB PROGRAM: - “Talking to Guys/Talking to Girls”
Wednesday, November 24, 2010 @ 2 pm in Room 233.
3. Logical Fallacy of the Week # 19 – “Appeal to Pity”
4. Professor Geo’s “Communication Thought of the Week”
5. Note to Communicators: “The Longest Running War in History”
6. .NEXT WEEK’S TOPIC: “Professor Yearwood discusses T.S. Eliot””
7. Upcoming Conversations - please add your topic to the list
8. What happened last week: ““Ravel’s Bolero”
1. No Quotes about Communication between the Sexes
Sorry, despite my fairly extensive research, I did not find any quotes worthy of repeating on the topic of communication between the sexes. I thought I would find many, but, alas, none seemed to work. Lots of quotes about communication and sexist communication. The gender communication quotes were about the difficulties women face in communication, a worthy topic for another time.
If you have any quotations that you think fit this description, write them at the bottom of the blog.
2. The Touro Communication Club
Wednesday, November 24, 2010 - 2 pm – Room 223 – Midtown
“Talking to Guys/Talking to Girls”
In the last four years, we’ve talked about this topic at least three times in one form or another. The academic term for conversation between the sexes is “Gender Communication.” John Gray’s 1992 bestseller “Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus” codified the communication difficulties between the sexes in the popular mind. For centuries, the conflict has been called ‘The Battle of the Sexes.” Going beyond sexual attraction to attempt building a relationship is an ongoing challenge for everyone. Some have answers. Others are searching. We’ll share our questions and conclusions.
3. Logical Fallacy of the Week #19:
“Appeal to Pity”
I’m almost embarrassed to look at this logical fallacy. My comments will sound so unfeeling and lacking in empathy that I will be considered a dastardly stone. However, duty calls. Reason must prevail over emotion; else the “logical” of logical fallacy fails.
So many people use this fallacy to gain sympathy for their position regardless of other factors. Students have told me:
· My dog ate the homework.
· It is the custom in my country to get drunk when everyone is having a good time, so that’s why I’m unprepared for the exam.
· There was a train fire.
· My alarm didn’t go off.
· I can’t get an earlier train.
· I lost my textbook.
· I couldn’t take the exam because I had to go to my grandmother’s funeral.
· I couldn’t come to class because I had to go on vacation.
· I couldn’t call anyone because I didn’t have their phone numbers.
· I didn’t have money to get to school.
The list is endless and becomes more creative, the greater the avoidance of responsibility. I am supposed to feel sorry for the person and forgive the transgression and allow a make-up.
Then there is the area of “adults” of any category. The technique is to distract the person in charge from giving a rebuke.
· I got lost.
· I forgot.
· My mother (wife, child) is in the hospital.
· I got sick so the report isn’t finished.
And so forth. There are millions of diamonds in this mine.
But the most effective use of this fallacy comes around holiday time. Its purpose is to emotionally blackmail people into giving to one of a thousand charitable causes. You’ve seen the sad picture of the emaciated child or poorly dressed mother and child. Your pity turns into guilt because you feel that you have more than these people.
Many years ago, my performers were doing a television benefit for a muscular dystrophy charity. The singers sang the numbers amidst the crippled children. In the control room, the director said to the camera man, “Zoom in on the crutches. Catch the sad faces. Make the audience cry.” The money poured immediately following the segment. Pity sells.
Finally, a reversal on the appeal to pity: On 23rd Street recently, a homeless man in rags sat on the cold concrete with a sign that said, “I need a beer. I won’t lie to you. Your contribution will help support my habit.’
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4. Professor Geo’s “Communication Thought of the Week #6:
President Woodrow Wilson asks, “If I am to speak ten minutes, I need a week for preparation; if fifteen minutes, three days; if half an hour, two days; if an hour, I am ready now.”
5. .A Note to Communicators:
The Longest Running War in History
We continue to have shooting wars. We continue to have conflicts about civility. We continue to have saber rattling preludes to wars. We pray for peace but prepare for war. History suggests that war is an inevitable result of not trying hard enough to live in peace.
However, the battle of the sexes has raged since Adam and Eve were just glimmers in the eye of the Creator. “We can’t live with them and we can’t live without them,” says the barroom philosopher.
Psychologist John Gray went a long way to popularize the difference between men and women in his 1992 “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” Deborah Tannen is probably the leading researcher in this area, with her 1990 best seller, “You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation.” A recent entry in gender studies is a neuro-analysis of gender relationships by Louann Brizendine’s “The Female Brain,” which was followed by “The Male Brain.’
The short of these studies is that women and men are wired differently. Not surprisingly, they behave differently. Yet both sexes often expect the opposite sex to behave like him/her. Somehow we know intellectually we are different, yet emotionally we want everyone to behave like us.
Since these observations are not yet part the general popular imagination, the battle of the sexes continues.
The circumstance is further aggravated by the increasing narcissism that if fed by the media and social networking. We are the center of the universe and expect everyone to cater to our every whim. With popular models like Kanye West to follow, it is not surprising that power in any form – money, position, influence – continues to prevail as it always has.
In such a communication climate, listening is a rare commodity. We are too important to listen. We are too preoccupied with our own importance to listen. We are too rushed to listen. We have to fake it until we make it. Fame and celebrity is the coin of the marketplace. It’s all about me.
So why should I bother to listen? Listen is hard. It takes concentration. It takes understanding. It takes an ability to set aside my wants and listen to another’s situation.
Pseudo-listening is on the rise. In my Graduation Education Communication class several years ago, I asked casually if they faked listening. Everyone in the class was married. Everyone admitted freely that they faked listening all the time. Does your partner ever notice it? No, not really, most said.
I was shocked. And these were teachers.
Just one more piece of the communication puzzle fell into place. We are different, yet we think we are the same. We pretend to listen even though we are more interested in ourselves.
I guess the longest running war in history will continue. Sometimes I wonder why anyone even bothers with this Sisyphistic undertaking.
6. Next week’s Conversation:
Wednesday, December 1,2010
2 pm – Room 223 -Midtown
Faculty Colloquy I:
Professor Carlisle Yearwood discusses
T.S. Eliot’s poem “The Waste Land”
This event is a milestone in the four year history of the Touro Communication Club. We introduce a traditional university event called a “Faculty Colloquy.” A universal collegiate tradition, a scholar shares his/her serious research with colleagues for discussion and feedback.
That is our goal today. Professor Carlisle Yearwood of Touro’s English Department will share his analysis of the first several stanzas of T.S. Eliot’s landmark poem, “The Wasteland.”
A native of Barbados and a published poet, Professor Yearwood has degrees from Pace University and City College of New York (CUNY). He has owned two bars and a nightclub which focused on talent development in Harlem and was involved with the Civil Rights movement with CORE and created an after school English and business skills program in Harlem. He is a member of the Blind Beggar Press.
Thomas Stearns Eliot (1888-1965) was an American-born English poet, playwright and literary critic, arguably the most important English language poet of the 10th century. “The Wasteland’ was written in 1922. He was awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1948.
7. UPCOMING CONVERSATIONS:
What about one of these topics?
“Repetition”
“Meaning”
“Why Does History Repeat Itself?”
“Heroism”
“Concentration”
“Coping with Adversity”
Student Poetry showcase
“Empathy”
“Connecting the Dots”
Role play of Cynical people
“Cold Calling in Sales”
“He’s Just Not That into You”
Critical Listening Institute III: “Abbott & Costello’s ‘Who’s On First?’”
“Criticism – Giving and Receiving”
“Logical Fallacies”
“Freedom II”
“Gender Communication II”
“SPAR Debate”
“Distraction II”
“Negotiation II”
“Imagination II”
“Rodney King: ‘Can’t We Just Get Along?’ II”
“Political Savvy”
“Emotions: Anger II”
“Identity Politics”
“Human Rights”
“Capitalism and Socialism”
“Illusions”
“Parenting”
And dozens of others!
Compare the notice of the session with what really happened!
8. What happened on
Wednesday. November 17. 2010 – Room 223 – Midtown
Critical Listening Institute II – Maurice Ravel’s “Bolero”
In this second session of our effort to sharpen our listening skills, we turn to a famous piece of music, a one-movement orchestral piece by French composer Maurice Ravel, premiered in 1928. “Bolero” gained universal attention when it was commandeered for the 1979 Blake Edwards film comedy, “10” starring Dudley Moore, Bo Derek and Julie Andrews. We are going to listen to the piece twice, once for a general impression followed by a discussion. Then we close with a second hearing. It should be fun to understand how the structure of this particular piece of music created such notoriety.
Last spring, the first Critical Listening Institute program was on Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech. The third Critical Listening Institute program will be on Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s On First’ routine.”
This week, most of the club members voted with their feet. Two students, Miriam Sanon and Moche Bengio shared their thoughts with faculty members Charles Mason, Markus Vayndorf, Richard Green, Steve Gradman, Carlisle Yearwood and Hal Wicke. Lorinda Moore stayed long enough to sign the attendance roster.
Most of those present did not know Bolero, although some recognized the tune when Richard played the video of the London Philharmonic conducted by Christoph von Eschenbach – with the video off the first time.
After we listened to the video in the dark, we began to discuss the experience.
Miriam said her favorite music was by C.C. Winans, a famous gospel singer. She finds gospel uplifting and makes her “committed to do the right thing.”
Charles suggested Webster Lewis, the jazz performer, as an important musician in his life.
Rap music has a regular insistent beat similar to Bolero.
Markus pictured an equation (not surprisingly since he is a mathematician.) with short/long sections. The tempo and the repetition of the melody line were gripping. The control of the percussion repeating exactly the same series of notes seemed to be an incredible feat.
Other people thought of music as meditation. Having no words to listen to was important. The mind could wander.
Richard saw in Bolero an image of the progression of birth ritual culminating in its loud climax.
The second time we saw the picture as well as the sound of the video. What was so startling about von Eschenbach’s performance was his stillness. To cue the musicians he would blink or raise his eyebrows or quickly nod his head while his hands were perfectly still. His body was tense as he leaned into certain section of the piece. As Bolero approached its climax, von Eschenbach’s hands came to life in a furious display of a conductor’s histrionics.
The session was interesting in a number of ways;
· We have a long way to go to introduce Touro students and faculty to different kinds of music.
· It is hard to listen to new and different music with an open heart and mind.
· Music can be used more actively than for background music (Elevator music or Hindemith’s “Furniture Musik”)
· If the topic is unknown, the audience stays away because we like what we are familiar with.
· Everyone is busy.
After the video was played a third time for Professor Yearwood who came in late, the discussion veered in a number of directions. Fragments included:
· Contrariness
· Elementary skills build foundations
· Different abilities
· Balancing energies
· Patterns in life, work in life
· Music and math
· The vibration goes deeper and ultimately pleases the ear.
· Music as mediation- displaces the darkness of the self.
· No longer the person you are.
· The majesty of the butterfly – changes are simultaneous
· The Grand theme uniting exterior and exterior
· The story of psychiatrist Viktor Frankl – “Man’s Search for Meaning”
· Hegel – thesis, antithesis, synthesis
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We always have a great time exploring these issues. So often our daily life never focuses on these Communication issues. If you have something you want us to discuss please let us know and we’ll add it to the list.
Next time bring a friend. The Communication Club is always an open discussion, limited only by time. Everyone gets a chance to speak. All opinions are welcome. Here is an opportunity for students to challenge professors’ views outside the class without any homework or assignments. You just have to show up and listen and talk if you want.
Hal Wicke
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