Touro Communication Club Notes #78

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Communication Quote of the Week

”Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”

The Bible, New Testament, James I: 19

This Week: Wednesday, June 24, 2009
2 pm - Room 223 – Midtown

“Talking to Men”

Recently, we had a spirited discussion of what women expect when they have a conversation. Some men had difficulty withholding their own expectations of what their experience was when they talked to women. Now the men – and yes, the women – have the opportunity to explore their expectations when they have a conversation. Lots of energy is expected!

A Note for Communicators:

On Celebrity

Strategy: to find stories in the news from which we can learn how to communicate more effectively.

Tactic: To examine the behavior of publi c figures to discover personal lessons.

This week’s news highlights –

• Michael Jackson died.
• Farrah Fawcett died.
• Senator John Ensign (R. NV) admitted an extramarital affair.
• Governor Mark Sanford (R. SC) admitted an extramarital affair.
  and then there’s Iran. (But that’s another story.)

You’re asking: “What' s the connection between death and infidelity?” Nothing – at least for this essay.

Celebrity is the theme that ties these four items together. Two were entertainment celebrities. Two were politicians who were in the celebrity spotlight.

Being famous is important to a lot of people. We are surrounded with celebrity in The Big Apple – or so they say. Several years ago, a student approached me after class and asked seriously, “How can I become a celebrity?” Even though she’s now taking her Master’s degree at Hunter, I’m sure the thought celebrity still runs through her mind.

Celebrity means that “everybody” knows you. You are famous. Your picture appears in People magazine and in the gossip columns. You walk down the street and everybody asks for your autograph. You get to walk on red carpets with pretty people on your arm – “arm candy.” You get to wear beautiful clothes and get interviewed for your fans in TV land.

Michael and Farrah – first names only when you are a celebrity – had a talent which propelled them to stardom. You might argue over whether their talent merited their celebrity. But that’s another discussion.

The two unfaithful politicians achieved a level of celebrity. Both were considered future presidential bright lights of the Republican party. Their talent was getting votes. What they did after being elected was irrelevant. Getting elected – becoming famous – was what counted.

Once in the spotlight of celebrity, the public attention is immense. Paparazzi swarm like flies. Cronies crawl out of the woodwork. “Yes” men and women become acolytes of the celebrity. With such support, it is easy for the celebrity to believe he/she is an extremely important person.

The exaggerated attention makes narcissism a natural companion. I am the center of the world. Money follows. It buys power – or the illusion of power. With the sensation of power comes the awareness that you are different from other people. In fact, you belong to your own world of equally powerful celebrities. You know the old New England saying, “The Cabots talk to the Lodges and the Lodges talk only to God.”

Your behavior says you are above the law. In fact, the law doesn’t apply to you. You communicate immortality.

In this world of servile gofers, you can do anything you want, get anything you want. Your wish is their command. Drugs, sex, all kinds of toys. Even rock 'n roll. You easily disconnect from reality and operate entirely in a world of magical thinking.

However, the human world likes balance – homeostasis. As soon as one extreme is reached, the pin ball starts rolling the other way. The magical world collapses. And, in these cases, death follows-- a physical death or a political death.

Sad, but not surprising. I don’t at any time intend to be a moralist. It is not my place to judge. As someone interested in communication, my job is to observe and report accurately verbal and non-verbal behavior.

I learn much from looking and listening. I watch for patterns of behavior. In fact, the patterns are infinitely fascinating.

Join us on this journey . We will discover amazing things right in front of our faces!

UPCOMING CONVERSATIONS:

July 8 – “Stand-Up Comedy” - We owe this topic to recent Geovanny Leon’s impromptu speech. His performance led to a discussion of what is funny and how to make people laugh. The joke and its well-honed implicit structure will induce a laugh if told well. In the open-ended discussion, we’ll explore a series of questions about humor and comedy. Just in case it gets boring, bring your favorite joke.

July 15 – “Anatomy of Freedom” II – As expected, the discussion of 6/24 merely scratched the surface. This time, we could go a number of ways: political freedom, social freedom, religious freedom, etc. What are the consequences of freedom? It is given or taken? Many more questions.

What happened on Wednesday, June 24, 2009? “Anatomy of Freedom”

Last week’s hiatus didn’t prevent the regulars from coming back ready to exchange ideas. Newcomer Chui Hong You (Terry to us) joined an animated group that included Jose Dunker, Markus Vayndoff, Anna Indelicato, Brian Brown, Carlisle Yearwood, Lorinda Moore, Ileana Tintea, Charles Mason and Hal Wicke.

Hal wrote an outline for our discussion of an anatomy of Freedom.

• Definition
• Kinds of Freedom – Person, Belief, Political, etc.
• Iran
• Fear

In the search for definitions, Markus, our mathematical friend, raised the issue of the probability and our ability to infer from our experience the degree of freedom in our lives.

Brian’s definition began with an observation about how “amazing” our country is. One person’s freedom is another person’s prison. He raised the question of where capitalism and freedom are compatible. He finally settled on freedom being “the ability to hope and pursue happiness.”

Anna was interested in the idea of serfdom where people either gave up or were forced to give up their freedom. We need to give up a little liberty for the protection of others.

Markus remarked that “freedom is a social concept which has absolute and relative elements, e.g., social entities.” Fear is one of the constraints of freedom."

Jose commented that freedom was individual liberty against foreign influences such as oppression and coercion.

Terry said that belief in freedom for others was as important as for oneself.

Carlisle felt that freedom was a social concept where each person has a right to expression. He mentions Jean-Jacques Rousseau and his “Social Contract.”

Hal thought that “Freedom stops at your fingertips.”

Several references were mentioned:

• The cartoonist Jules Feiffer wrote that we exchange one jail for another.
• Psychologist Erich Fromm wrote an influential book, “Escape from Freedom.”
• Psychologist Viktor Frankel, in his “Man’s Search for Meaning,” wrote “The last human freedom is the ability choose one’s attitude toward a given set of circumstances.”

In closing, Hal asked the group if they felt they were “free” at this moment.” Six said yes they were free. Five said no, they were not free.

The voting generated a newly refreshed round of thoughts about freedom. Many felt that to have a choice is to be free. One person said, “If you don’t think you are free, you aren’t.”

We will have Round II of “Anatomy of Freedom” in a couple weeks.

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Let’s not forget Carlisle Yearwood’s IDEA several weeks ago. He suggested we develop a 3x4 index card with basic Touro information on it. We’ll talk more about this in the future.

As always, these sessions are open for everyone to attend. Bring a friend and join the excitement. See you next time.

Hal Wicke